Even though McSweeney’s didn’t accept this list, I enjoyed creating it! Thought I would share here, as there is really no other place that does lists like McSweeney’s. Feel free to add your own.
- It’s 2019, why are people using the bathroom barefoot?
- Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse is an excellent film, and holds up on later viewings.
- Book Club is borderline unwatchable. I will never get back those 90 minutes (but also, the cast looks incredible).
- Destination Wedding surprisingly kept my attention, even when I wanted to sleep. I want to be friends with both Winona Ryder and Keanu Reeves’ characters.
- I can recall a surprising amount of dialogue from the second season of How I Met Your Mother.
- When a baby starts crying, I first sympathize with the parents. After the first hour and the third baby, I just feel sorry for myself.
- I can be mistaken for South African, and I’m not sure how to respond to that observation from a stranger.
- It’s okay to drink the tiny long-life containers of milk separately from your coffee, as long as you shotgun them quickly. Just ask the man next to me.
- It’s also okay to start no less than twenty movies in a row, attempt to fast forward them, fail, bash on the screen, then settle for The Martian. (See above).
- If I get on a flight with 0 chin hairs, I will depart the flight with no less than 3.
- It’s okay to drink lukewarm white wine in a plastic cup with a friend near the galley until turbulence forces you back to your seats.
- I will have every intention to finish some work, but make no move to ever retrieve my laptop from the overhead bin.
- I will have every intention to read one of the many books I’ve downloaded but fall asleep to a podcast instead.
- I am jealous when I see a row of three become best friends by the end of a flight. I’ve never been in a row with that level of chemistry.
